Just Brave Enough

No one gets to tell you that you’re fine. You’ve fought hard. You’ve overcome a lot. No one gets to dismiss that for you. You’re not fine. You're not fine because you're struggling and that's okay. Every day is hard and there is some kind of battle to face. It's okay to not be okay. If you want to not be a fighter today, that's your choice. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Cry, scream, vent, carry on. Do what you have to do to get through the day. Find someone that allows you to do that. You need it. You can always try again tomorrow. You do not have to put on a fake smile and pretend everything is perfect. You know why? Because it's not. It's not perfect because life isn't fair. Are there ways that you am more fortunate than others? Of course, that's the case with anyone. There are also some things that just aren't right. You will have to fight harder or never get them at all and that  is what you get to be angry about. Am I lucky to...

I have heard a lot of things similar to “Be grateful that he’s not mobile yet. You’re in for it then!” or “You think you’re tired now? Wait until he’s running around! You’ll want to turn back time!” You know what? After all this past (almost) year has held, I will chase him up mountains if I have to. I will figure out how to swim across across oceans so that he can investigate the fish closer. If he wants to fly across the sky, I will build him a plane.  Watching him learn and grow and start to explore, I see the look in his eyes. I watch his pupils grow and the glimmer that comes across them. I can see the wonder and the hope build, but then it turns to frustration. The glimmer fades and it turns to tears because his mind wants to goes, but he physically can’t. My heart shatters, but I don’t cry. I do what I can to reach to help him reach his goals and make a huge deal over what others would see as nothing at all. After all, I’m his mother and that’s my job. Mommy makes the h...

The NICU and the ICU may have been the most painful points of our lives, but once you leave, that doesn't mean it's over. Even still, we are going through the most difficult time we've ever had. Don't get me wrong, we are so incredibly thankful to have our son. I am so grateful to be able to hold him in my arms every single day and get those sloppy baby kisses. Given our journey, we are fortunate to have him here at all. Some days, though, that joy doesn't totally numb the pain. Is it selfish? Probably. But it's only human to hurt. Before I was able to get pregnant, seeing a woman with a baby bump would make me sad. It would remind me of what I was incapable of, but wanted so badly. Now, it conjures memories of what I once had and loved, but I failed at. It's a reminder of what I will never have again. I'm not sure which has been more painful. Is it worse to have something and have it taken away, or to have never experienced something at all? Obviously...

My son is the light of my life. I love opening my eyes to his smile every morning and rocking him to sleep at night. He is so pure and innocent, yet so strong. As a new mom, he has taught me every single thing that I know. He reassures me and comforts me. He makes me feel each day that I have done something right, but I wish that I could shelter him from every bad thing that he will come to know. Over time, I have learned that even babies aren't safe from labels. Luckily, Flynn is too little to realize this right now and I can protect him in every way that I can. Being born prematurely is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, especially because these babies defy all odds to simply survive. I have been surprised, though, by how some people can be so insensitive and unaccommodating. Flynn and I love to go out and about. He gets excited to see new places and people and be with his friends, even if it means going to the doctor's office (again). On days where we are stuck inside,...

If I had to describe my life in one word it would be privileged . Not in the sense where I was born holding a silver spoon or that I didn't have to work for how far I've come, but I have been very blessed with all that I have gotten. I would even go as far to say that some things have come easily and that my path in life was seemingly paved. Regardless of how things fall into place for someone, I think that it's safe to say that everyone has a life plan, with both long-term and short-term goals. In my case, it appeared as though my map was drawn in permanent marker instead of pencil. At least it was, until someone took a giant magic eraser and sent me into a tailspin and wreaked total havoc on my Pinterest boards. I had my wedding planned at five years old. In 1997, we unfortunately lost the beautiful Princess Diana. I was a bit too young to completely understand, but what I did see was footage from her wedding to Prince Charles play over and over again on my television d...